Saturday, December 13, 2014

Sex: Why it makes women fall in love - but just makes men want MORE!

Sex is one of our biggest preoccupations — causing thrills, heartache and downright confusion. But until recently, exactly what happens in the brain during sex was something of a mystery to scientists.
Now, however, American researchers have uncovered what goes on in a woman’s head during an orgasm.
The scientists from Rutgers University, New Jersey, used scans to monitor women’s brains during orgasm and found that different brain parts are activated when various parts of her body are aroused.

They found that up to 30 different parts of the brain are activated, including those responsible for emotion, touch, joy, satisfaction and memory.
The scientists found that two minutes before orgasm the brain’s reward centres become active. These are the areas usually activated when eating food and drink.

WHY LOVE HURTS

A key hormone released during sex is oxytocin, also known as the ‘cuddle hormone’. This lowers our defences and makes us trust people more, says Dr Arun Ghosh, a GP specialising in sexual health at the Spire Liverpool Hospital.
It’s also the key to bonding, as it increases levels of empathy. Women produce more of this hormone, although it’s not clear why, and this means they are more likely to let their guard down and fall in love with a man after sex.
However, the problem is that the body can’t distinguish whether the person we’re with is a casual fling or marriage material — oxytocin is released either way. So while it might help you bond with the love of your life, it’s also the reason you may feel so miserable when a short-term relationship ends.
Men, on the other hand, instead of getting a surge of bonding hormone receive a surge of simple pleasure.
‘The problem is that when a man has an orgasm, the main hormone released is dopamine — the pleasure hormone. And this surge can be addictive,’ says Dr Ghosh.




That’s why so many more men tend to suffer from sex addiction.

STARVING OFF DEMENTIA

Many of us are all too aware that our brain cells decline with age. In fact, it’s said we lose 7,000 brain cells a day by the time we’re 35, which makes rather depressing reading.
The good news, however, is that having regular sex may help us grow new brain cells, according to scientists from Princeton University in the United States.
And the more sex you have, the more cells you can grow, it seems. Animal studies, published in the journal PLoS ONE, suggest that sex stimulates the growth of brain cells in the hippocampus, the part of the brain responsible for memory and learning.
Factors such as stress and depression have been shown to shrink the hippocampus, yet exercise and sex counteract this effect.
Furthermore, sex could actually be protecting our brain cells against decline.
‘There is some evidence that older people who are sexually active are less likely to have dementia and this could be for a variety of complex reasons,’ says Dr Ghosh.
Sex causes increased blood flow to the brain, which improves oxygen levels.
‘MRI scans have shown that during orgasm the neurons in the brain are more active and use more oxygen,’ explains Barry Komisaruk, professor of psychology at Rutgers University and a leading authority on sex and neuroscience.
‘It appears that the more active the neurons, the more oxygen they withdraw from the blood — so more oxygenated blood is supplied to the region, delivering a fresh supply of nutrients.’
But as well as boosting brain cells, sex could also sharpen a woman’s mind, says Dr Ghosh. That’s due to a surge in sex hormones, particularly testosterone, which can help improve concentration and reaction times

SMOOCHING MEANS BETTER SEX

The lips are packed with nerve endings — 100 times more than the fingertips.
As a result, kissing kick-starts multiple mechanisms in the brain, releasing chemicals that lower stress and boost mood, says Dr Ghosh.
‘You’ll have much better sex if you kiss before intercourse,’ says Dr Ghosh.
It increases levels of the pleasure hormones and will make you a lot more receptive to what happens later.
‘That’s why loving sex can be more satisfying than a quickie — and that endorphin hit from dopamine is especially important for women.’

A NATURAL PAINKILLER

Orgasm (rather than sex) can block pain signals, says Professor Komisaruk. Research using laboratory animals and humans has found that orgasm can inhibit the release of pain transmitters from the spinal cord so they can’t reach the neurons in the brain that respond to pain.
In fact, he says, it can raise the pain threshold so much that the equivalent effect in morphine is three times the usual pain-relieving dose.

MIND POWER

A lot of sexual health research focuses on what’s happening physically.
But experts say that for many people — especially women — the mind plays a key role in achieving orgasm.
While male brains tend to focus on the physical stimulation involved in sexual contact, the key to female arousal seems to be deep relaxation and a lack of anxiety.
The scans show that, during sex, the parts of the female brain responsible for processing fear, anxiety and emotion start to relax more and more, reaching a peak at orgasm, when the female brain’s anxiety and emotion are effectively closed down.

THE ULTIMATE HAPPY PILL

‘There is a known circuit in the brain that’s involved in feeling happy,’ explains Paul Thompson, professor of neurology at the University of California, Los Angeles, and an expert in brain imaging.
‘This is called the limbic region, which is deep in the brain, and it’s more active when we’re rewarded. The same system is activated by sex, drugs, gambling — basically anything we enjoy.
‘There’s more blood flow to the head, more neurons firing, more brain activity.
‘Much of this deep brain circuit runs on the hormone dopamine. Anything pleasurable tends to cause these brain cells to exude more of it and this makes them fire faster.’
‘Without doubt, sex has not only physical but psychological and social benefits, too,’ says Dr Ghosh.
‘The endorphins released during sex can really help treat depression and clear the mind.
‘One is serotonin, also called the happy hormone, which creates a sense of bliss. People often say that sex is the last thing they feel like doing when they’re depressed, but do try it if you can.
‘And don’t worry if you get emotional afterwards — it’s very common to end up crying after sex. This is caused by a combination of endorphins being released and heightened emotions.’

BETTER SLEEP

If you’re struggling to nod off, it’s better to have sex than take a sleeping pill, says Dr Ghosh.
‘In fact, it’s more beneficial to have sex in the evening rather than the morning because the body wants to be relaxed afterwards, not get up and go to work.
‘By having sex at the end of the day you’ll reap more of the stress-relieving benefits. For a man, a powerful orgasm is the equivalent of having on average a 2-3mg shot of diazepam (or Valium).
‘That’s why so many men nod off afterwards — there really is a biological reason for this.’

I Tried to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. Here’s What Happened.



When I agreed to sabotage my shallow desert grave of a personal life by re-creating the morally reprehensible antics of characters played by Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson in the vaunted Robert Evans picture How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, I had not seen the film since 2004, when I was extremely drunk on an airplane. It's basically this: A writer named Andie Anderson thinks she is too good for women's service journalism. Instead, she wants to write a column about civil unrest in the Central Asian republic of Tajikistan for the Cosmopolitan-esque magazine where she works, which is ridiculous. To please her editor, she accepts a creepy, nonsensical assignment: to lose a potential romantic partner in less than a fortnight by doing all of the awful things women typically do to make men flee from us. Did you hear that? That's the foghorn I blow when I want to signify that something very meta is afoot.
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The titular "guy" in this filet cut of cinema is advertising exec Ben Barry (Matthew McConaughey in peak pre-prestige, ambulatory foam-finger mode). Andie's job is to attract, enchant, and then sicken Ben with her presence so much that he goes away forever and ever. Don't worry — there's a deeply stupid double-bind: Ben has extra-coincidentally made a grotesque wager with his co-workers that he can make a woman fall in love with him before some upcoming office party. The party is a week from Sunday — in TEN DAYS! If Ben succeeds, he gets to pitch a slogan to the world's biggest jewelry conglomerate. Ben wants this ad account so badly he's willing to remorselessly pulverize the spirit of a flesh-and-blood, feeling person. I guess that's just how much he loves blood diamonds. For 116 honeyed minutes, Ben and Andie act insane in rigidly codified, gender-normative ways. Alas, neither is able to leave the other because: money. Eventually they fall in love, to the delight of a raw, pretty recently post-9/11 America.

Could I successfully make a living diorama of this horror show? Well, the acting-insane part I knew I could handle. It was the "ten days" that were problematic for me and — let's be real — the structural integrity of this movie. Quickly repulsing somebody would be a snap, but it'd also make for a short flick and a shorter article. I would have to try to do as she did and ramp things up from "slightly annoying" to full-on eating-from-the-garbage, writing-on-the-walls-in-my-own fluids psychosis — over exactly ten days.

Fortuitously, I'd just started gingerly hanging out with a guy who was visiting L.A. for work. This made him a good candidate because our relationship already had an expiration date, and I had also begun to like him in a pathetically un-chill, human-person way. It was time to end this on my terms: by making him hate me. You may be thinking that this is not a nice thing to do. But if I learned anything from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, it's that love is a heinous abstract construct. Also, sleeping with a writer is basically like putting a scorpion in your pants.

Note: Trying to replicate all of the actual behavior from the movie wasn't always physically or financially possible or — let's be honest — something I could do without being hospitalized. Below is what happened between me and Miller Lyte, which is what I will call the poor, wonderful human being I did this to. Because it is Matthew McConaughey's nephew's actual name, and I don't ever want anybody to forget that.

DAY ONE: Calling Too Much
According to the film, one of the things men hate most is being called a ton. Unfortunately, I live in a canyon and there is very bad cell-phone reception. So I just text him a lot. It turns out he's totally fine with this, and he's also a recreational stimulant user. He texts back whenever I text him, pretty much right away. Oh man. Clearly this is not the first time a woman has tried to lose this guy in ten days.

DAY TWO: Ruin Sports
On their second date, Andie takes Ben to see the Knicks, but then she won't let him watch the game, whines for diet soda, and calls him by an obnoxious nickname. Wow, women are the worst.

Miller Lyte REALLY likes football, so when we watch some together I figure I have this one in the bag. I frequently ask, "Why are you yelling?" and make helpful suggestions like, "Well, if it upsets you this much to lose money, then maybe you shouldn't be illegally gambling." Finally, I wrap my arms around him and ask, "Am I talking too much, Old Meat?" because I think it would bother most men to be called that. He predictably does not like to be called Old Meat but later actually warms to it.

DAY THREE: Girl Things
The first time Andie goes to Ben's house (again, to watch the sports game and eat meat because, MEN, RARRRGHHH) she brings stuffed animals, tampons, and a fern. You'll be shocked to know that I own exactly zero stuffed animals, and this dude is not getting the fern I work so hard to almost not kill, so tampons it is. Upsettingly, the owner of his Airbnb has left a full complement of toiletries for guests. That's right: There are ALREADY TAMPONS AT HIS PLACE. What are the odds?! Fuck the share economy.

DAY FOUR: Chick-Flick Marathon
Ben tells Andie she can pick the movie. Smash cut to: a theater where the marquee says "CHICK FLICK MARATHON." Yep, that happens. In a commercially successful film.

So I go to his house and I tell him I also want to watch Brokeback Mountain and You've Got Mail, back to back, which I figure constitutes a chick-flick marathon and ups the ante because straight men don't want to watch movies about gay guys doing sex, ever. During both films, he mouths along with a lot of the dialogue.

DAY FIVE: Food Issues
Even though she houses a lobster at their first meeting and loooooooves bacon (buckle up if you love that joke, people of 2004!), Andie pretends to be a vegetarian to annoy Ben. There is nothing more manly than hating vegetarians, because it represents sublimated jealousy for the female ability to demonstrate compassion without social reproof.

Sadly, I can't do this because I have already eaten a ton of meat (heh) in front of Miller Lyte, so as a compromise I don't finish half of an elaborate Italian sandwich he makes me. This is basically the craziest thing I've ever done in the name of journalism. For the first time, I see some hurt in his eyes.

DAY SIX: Nagging About Cigars
If I know anything about all men, and I know lots, it's that they hate to be nagged. Particularly about their cigars. Andie nags Ben and his friend a bunch about their cigars.

Miller Lyte doesn't smoke cigars, but he does dip, which is equally gross. Actually, no — it is definitely even grosser.

At his place I pick up his dip and say, "You're a piece of human garbage." Nag, achieved!
"You would actually look pretty cool with a big wad of tobacco in your mouth," he says, tucking some into my lower lip.
"Rear-ry?" I say, posing in front of the mirror. He's not wrong.

DAY SEVEN: Being Terrible at Sex
This is when this film begins to get truly Faces of Death–level messed up: In the film, Andie calls Ben's dick "Princess Sophia," causing him to lose his erection.

Sophia is my sainted aunt's name, so I won't be doing that, and it turns out this guy has already named his penis, because of course he has. Even though it kind of goes against the spirit of this exercise, I am definitely not going to make him lose an erection. I'm writing a damn article, not trying to ruin my sterling international sex rep.

DAY EIGHT: Stevie Nicks
Andie brings a bunch of CDs to Ben's. Sounds great, right? WRONG. The singers are all women! DAY EIGHT, PLAYA. She plays him "You're So Vain," which is a great song, but Ben looks like she just laid eggs in his body.

This is a fairly easy one to replicate, and besides: It's time to get the nuke codes for this thing. I put on Stevie Nicks at Miller's and sing along to each track. It should be noted here that I have a voice like a crystal dinner bell, so I have to actively try to sound bad.

This backfires like an antique musket. He likes Stevie Nicks! He sings the man parts in "Leather and Lace"! AHHH. HOW IS HE DOING THIS? HE IS NOT GOING TO GET THAT DIAMOND ACCOUNT. NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT.

DAY NINE: Make Composites of What Our Kids Would Look Like, Get Him a Dog, Take Him to a Fake Therapist, Get Him Punched in the Actual Face
Oh, Jesus Christ. I almost feel bad for Ben because all of the above things actually happen to him. But let's not forget that making somebody love you so you can come up with the new "He went to Jared!" is awful, too, so I don't know, maybe they deserve each o— NO MOVIE. I WON'T LET YOU MAKE LOGICAL SENSE.

Instead of all that stuff, I just try to do something equally crazy, because it's Day Nine after all and Andie and I have a deadline. So, I get wildly drunk on Fireball and shave matchbook-size chunks out of his hair with an electric pubic-hair trimmer. He finds this charming. What happened in the decade since this movie? Is this Zach Braff's fault? I don't know whether to send Zach Braff flowers or hurtling into deep space.

DAY TEN: We Physically Separate by Several Thousand Miles
He goes back to New York as planned. Unlike in the movie, we do not have a charming karaoke battle/car chase that ends in two lunatics deep-tonguing each other. Nobody gets the diamond account, and I don't think I will get a column about Tajikistan in Cosmo out of this. Also, I think I may now be addicted to dip. I don't know whether we'll see each other again; for now, the experiment and we are decidedly over. I have lost the guy, and it gives me no joy. But Miller? If you're back in New York and reading this, just know: It doesn't look that bad and will grow back really soon if you take prenatal vitamins.
 

At Your Computer All Day Health Tips



Over the last few 100 yrs advances in industry and technology changed the way many humans spend their waking hours. It was commonplace to spend virtually all of those hours on your feet; walking, twisting, bending, and moving, now it is normal to spend those hours sitting.
The modern-day office is built around sitting, such that you can conduct business, make phone calls, send e-mails and faxes, and even participate in video conferences without ever leaving your desk chair.
There is a problem with this lifestyle.
The human  body was designed for almost perpetual movement. It thrives when given opportunity to move in its fully intended range of motion and, as we are now seeing, struggles when forced to stay in 1 place for long periods.
The Big Q: What happens when sitting too long?
Studies looking at life in natural agriculture environments show that people in agrarian villages sit for about 3 hrs a day. The average American office worker can sit for 13 to 15 hrs a day.
The difference between a “natural” amount of sitting and modern, inappropriate amounts of sitting is big, and accounts for negative changes at the molecular level.
According to Dr. James Levine, co-director of the Mayo Clinic and the Arizona State University Obesity Initiative, there are at least 24 different chronic diseases and conditions associated with excessive sitting.
As he wrote in Scientific American: “Sitting for long periods is bad because the human body was not designed to be idle. I have worked in obesity research for several decades, and my laboratory has studied the effect of sedentary lifestyles at the molecular level all the way up to office design.”
Lack of movement slows metabolism, reducing the amount of food that is converted to energy and thus promoting fat accumulation, obesity, and promotes heart disease, diabetes, arthritis, and more.
Sitting is bad for lean people, too.
Sitting in your chair after a meal leads to high blood sugar spikes, whereas getting up after you eat can cut those spikes by 50%.
Sitting for extended periods of time increases your risk for premature death. This is especially concerning given the fact that you may be vulnerable to these risks even if you are a fit athlete who exercises regularly.
It also takes a toll on mental health.
Women who sit more than 7 hrs per day were found to have a 47% higher risk of depression than women who sit 4 hrs or less.
There is no question anymore that if you want to lower your risk of chronic disease, you have got to get up out of the chair. This is at least as important as regular exercise, and possibly more so.
Below are 5 Tips for better health if you work at a computer
You might think this sounds good in theory, but how do you translate your seated computer job into a standing one?
For starters, check out these essential tips for computer workers, as follows;
1. Stand Up
Some offices have implemented sit-stand computer workstations or even treadmill desks. Those who used such workstations easily replaced 25% of their sitting time with standing and boosted their well-being, while decreasing fatigue and appetite.
But if you do not have a specially designed desk, do not let that stop you. Prop your computer up on a stack of books, a printer, or even an overturned trash can and get up on your feet.
2. Get Moving
The treadmill desk is ideal for this, but again it is not the only option. You can walk while you are on the phone, walk to communicate with others in your office instead of e-mailing, and even conduct walking meetings.
3. Monitor Your Screen Height
Whether you are sitting or standing, the top of your computer screen should be level with your eyes, so you’re only looking down about 10 degrees to view the screen. If your computer screen is lower, you will move your head downward, which can lead to back and neck pain. If it is higher, it can cause dry eye syndrome.
4. Imagine your head as a bowling ball
Your head must be properly aligned to avoid undue stress on your neck and spine. Avoid craning your head forward, holding it upright instead. And while at it, practice chin retractions, or making a double chin, to help line up your head, neck, and spine.
5. Try the Timer Technique
Wind one up to 25 mins or set an online calculator. During this time, focus on your work intensely. When it goes off, take 5 mins to walk, do jumping jacks, or otherwise take a break from your work. This helps you to stay productive while avoiding burnout.
One day can turn into the next and the next, be patient and stick with it.
Research shows that it can take anywhere from 18 to 254 days to build a new habit and have it feel automatic. Once you get to this point, you will  likely already be experiencing the many rewards of not sitting at your computer working, things like improved blood sugar and blood pressure levels, less body fat and a lower risk of chronic disease.
For more information read his book Get Up! Why Your Chair Is Killing You and What You Can Do About It by James A. Levine, MD.
Have a terrific weekend

Monday, December 8, 2014

Tips to Improve Your Sex Life

Enjoying a satisfying sex life

Sex. The word can evoke a kaleidoscope of emotions. From love, excitement, and tenderness to longing, anxiety, and disappointment—the reactions are as varied as sexual experiences themselves. What's more, many people will encounter all these emotions and many others in the course of a sex life spanning several decades.
But what is sex, really?
On one level, sex is just another hormone-driven bodily function designed to perpetuate the species. Of course, that narrow view underestimates the complexity of the human sexual response. In addition to the biochemical forces at work, your experiences and expectations help shape your sexuality. Your understanding of yourself as a sexual being, your thoughts about what constitutes a satisfying sexual connection, and your relationship with your partner are key factors in your ability to develop and maintain a fulfilling sex life.


Talking to your partner

Many couples find it difficult to talk about sex even under the best of circumstances. When sexual problems occur, feelings of hurt, shame, guilt, and resentment can halt conversation altogether. Because good communication is a cornerstone of a healthy relationship, establishing a dialogue is the first step not only to a better sex life, but also to a closer emotional bond. Here are some tips for tackling this sensitive subject.

Find the right time to talk

There are two types of sexual conversations: the ones you have in the bedroom and the ones you have elsewhere. It's perfectly appropriate to tell your partner what feels good in the middle of lovemaking, but it's best to wait until you're in a more neutral setting to discuss larger issues, such as mismatched sexual desire or orgasm troubles.

Avoid criticizing

Couch suggestions in positive terms, such as, "I really love it when you touch my hair lightly that way," rather than focusing on the negatives. Approach a sexual issue as a problem to be solved together rather than an exercise in assigning blame.

Confide in your partner about changes in your body

If hot flashes are keeping you up at night or menopause has made your vagina dry, talk to your partner about these things. It's much better that he know what's really going on rather than interpret these physical changes as lack of interest. Likewise, if you're a man and you no longer get an erection just from the thought of sex, show your partner how to stimulate you rather than let her believe she isn't attractive enough to arouse you anymore.

Be honest

You may think you're protecting your partner's feelings by faking an orgasm, but in reality you're starting down a slippery slope. As challenging as it is to talk about any sexual problem, the difficulty level skyrockets once the issue is buried under years of lies, hurt, and resentment.

Don't equate love with sexual performance

Create an atmosphere of caring and tenderness; touch and kiss often. Don't blame yourself or your partner for your sexual difficulties. Focus instead on maintaining emotional and physical intimacy in your relationship. For older couples, another potentially sensitive subject that's worth discussing is what will happen after one partner dies. In couples who enjoy a healthy sex life, the surviving partner will likely want to seek out a new partner. Expressing your openness to that possibility while you are both still alive will likely relieve guilt and make the process less difficult for the surviving partner later.

Using self-help strategies

Treating sexual problems is easier now than ever before. Revolutionary medications and professional sex therapists are there if you need them. But you may be able to resolve minor sexual issues by making a few adjustments in your lovemaking style. Here are some things you can try at home.

Educate yourself

Plenty of good self-help materials are available for every type of sexual issue. Browse the Internet or your local bookstore, pick out a few resources that apply to you, and use them to help you and your partner become better informed about the problem. If talking directly is too difficult, you and your partner can underline passages that you particularly like and show them to each other.

Privacy concerns and Internet use

The Internet is a valuable source of all types of information, including books and other products (such as sex toys) that can enhance your sex life. Although it may be obvious, never use your workplace computer to do such searches, to avoid potential embarrassment with your employer, who is likely able to track your search history. People who feel uneasy even about using their home computers and credit cards to order sex-related information or products online might be able to find a nearby store (especially in major cities) and pay with cash.

Give yourself time

As you age, your sexual responses slow down. You and your partner can improve your chances of success by finding a quiet, comfortable, interruption-free setting for sex. Also, understand that the physical changes in your body mean that you'll need more time to get aroused and reach orgasm. When you think about it, spending more time having sex isn't a bad thing; working these physical necessities into your lovemaking routine can open up doors to a new kind of sexual experience.

Use lubrication

Often, the vaginal dryness that begins in perimenopause can be easily corrected with lubricating liquids and gels. Use these freely to avoid painful sex—a problem that can snowball into flagging libido and growing relationship tensions. When lubricants no longer work, discuss other options with your doctor.

Maintain physical affection

Even if you're tired, tense, or upset about the problem, engaging in kissing and cuddling is essential for maintaining an emotional and physical bond.

Practice touching

The sensate focus techniques that sex therapists use can help you re-establish physical intimacy without feeling pressured. Many self-help books and educational videos offer variations on these exercises. You may also want to ask your partner to touch you in a manner that he or she would like to be touched. This will give you a better sense of how much pressure, from gentle to firm, you should use.

Try different positions

Developing a repertoire of different sexual positions not only adds interest to lovemaking, but can also help overcome problems. For example, the increased stimulation to the G-spot that occurs when a man enters his partner from behind can help the woman reach orgasm.

The G-spot

The G-spot, or Grafenberg spot, named after the gynecologist who first identified it, is a mound of super-sensitive spongelike tissue located within the roof of the vagina, just inside the entrance. Proper stimulation of the G-spot can produce intense orgasms. Because of its difficult-to-reach location and the fact that it is most successfully stimulated manually, the G-spot is not routinely activated for most women during vaginal intercourse. While this has led some skeptics to doubt its existence, research has demonstrated that a different sort of tissue does exist in this location.
You must be sexually aroused to be able to locate your G-spot. To find it, try rubbing your finger in a beckoning motion along the roof of your vagina while you're in a squatting or sitting position, or have your partner massage the upper surface of your vagina until you notice a particularly sensitive area. Some women tend to be more sensitive and can find the spot easily, but for others it's difficult.
If you can't easily locate it, you shouldn't worry. During intercourse, many women feel that the G-spot can be most easily stimulated when the man enters from behind. For couples dealing with erection problems, play involving the G-spot can be a positive addition to lovemaking.
Oral stimulation of the clitoris combined with manual stimulation of the G-spot can give a woman a highly intense orgasm.

Write down your fantasies

This exercise can help you explore possible activities you think might be a turn-on for you or your partner. Try thinking of an experience or a movie that aroused you and then share your memory with your partner. This is especially helpful for people with low desire.

Do Kegel exercises

Both men and women can improve their sexual fitness by exercising their pelvic floor muscles. To do these exercises, tighten the muscle you would use if you were trying to stop urine in midstream. Hold the contraction for two or three seconds, then release. Repeat 10 times. Try to do five sets a day. These exercises can be done anywhere—while driving, sitting at your desk, or standing in a checkout line. At home, women may use vaginal weights to add muscle resistance. Talk to your doctor or a sex therapist about where to get these and how to use them.

Try to relax

Do something soothing together before having sex, such as playing a game or going out for a nice dinner. Or try relaxation techniques such as deep breathing exercises or yoga.

Use a vibrator

This device can help a woman learn about her own sexual response and allow her to show her partner what she likes.

Don’t give up

If none of your efforts seem to work, don’t give up hope. Your doctor can often determine the cause of your sexual problem and may be able to identify effective treatments. He or she can also put you in touch with a sex therapist who can help you explore issues that may be standing in the way of a fulfilling sex life.

Maintaining good health

Your sexual well-being goes hand in hand with your overall mental, physical, and emotional health. Therefore, the same healthy habits you rely on to keep your body in shape can also shape up your sex life.

Exercise, exercise, exercise

Physical activity is first and foremost among the healthy behaviors that can improve your sexual functioning. Because physical arousal depends greatly on good blood flow, aerobic exercise (which strengthens your heart and blood vessels) is crucial. And exercise offers a wealth of other health benefits, from staving off heart disease, osteoporosis, and some forms of cancer to improving your mood and helping you get a better night's sleep. Also, don't forget to include strength training.

Don't smoke

Smoking contributes to peripheral vascular disease, which affects blood flow to the penis, clitoris, and vaginal tissues. In addition, women who smoke tend to go through menopause two years earlier than their nonsmoking counterparts. If you need help quitting, try nicotine gum or patches or ask your doctor about the drugs bupropion (Zyban) or varenicline (Chantix).

Use alcohol in moderation

Some men with erectile dysfunction find that having one drink can help them relax, but heavy use of alcohol can make matters worse. Alcohol can inhibit sexual reflexes by dulling the central nervous system. Drinking large amounts over a long period can damage the liver, leading to an increase in estrogen production in men. In women, alcohol can trigger hot flashes and disrupt sleep, compounding problems already present in menopause.

Eat right

Overindulgence in fatty foods leads to high blood cholesterol and obesity—both major risk factors for cardiovascular disease. In addition, being overweight can promote lethargy and a poor body image. Increased libido is often an added benefit of losing those extra pounds.

Use it or lose it

When estrogen drops at menopause, the vaginal walls lose some of their elasticity. You can slow this process or even reverse it through sexual activity. If intercourse isn't an option, masturbation is just as effective, although for women, this is most effective if you use a vibrator or dildo (an object resembling a penis) to help stretch the vagina. For men, long periods without an erection can deprive the penis of a portion of the oxygen-rich blood it needs to maintain good sexual functioning. As a result, something akin to scar tissue develops in muscle cells, which interferes with the ability of the penis to expand when blood flow is increased.

Putting the fun back into sex

Even in the best relationship, sex can become ho-hum after a number of years. With a little bit of imagination, you can rekindle the spark.

Be adventurous

Maybe you've never had sex on the living room floor or in a secluded spot in the woods; now might be the time to try it. Or try exploring erotic books and films. Even just the feeling of naughtiness you get from renting an X-rated movie might make you feel frisky.

Be sensual

Create an environment for lovemaking that appeals to all five of your senses. Concentrate on the feel of silk against your skin, the beat of a jazz tune, the perfumed scent of flowers around the room, the soft focus of candlelight, and the taste of ripe, juicy fruit. Use this heightened sensual awareness when making love to your partner.

Be playful

Leave love notes in your partner's pocket for him or her to find later. Take a bubble bath together—the warm cozy feeling you have when you get out of the tub can be a great lead-in to sex. Tickle. Laugh.

Be creative

Expand your sexual repertoire and vary your scripts. For example, if you're used to making love on Saturday night, choose Sunday morning instead. Experiment with new positions and activities. Try sex toys and sexy lingerie if you never have before.

Be romantic

Read poetry to each other under a tree on a hillside. Surprise each other with flowers when it isn't a special occasion. Plan a day when all you do is lie in bed, talk, and be intimate. The most important tool you have at your disposal is your attitude about sexuality. Armed with good information and a positive outlook, you should be able to maintain a healthy sex life for many years to come.

Best Men's Health sex Tips Ever

Over view:

We mined hundreds of Men’s Health articles about sex and relationships to find the all-time best tips we’ve ever given about meeting women, wooing them, and being the best lover they’ve ever had. You can thank us later.


Sex isn't a Race


Sex isn't a race, so take time to explore her. Focus on her thighs and lower belly. Make a mental circle 2 inches around the outside of her vagina and don't cross the line while you kiss, lick, and caress.


Give Her Plenty of Time


If you want morning sex, set your alarm at least 20 minutes early. A woman won't want sex if she's hurried, and she'll probably need about 20 minutes to reach orgasm.


Grunts are Better Than Nothing


She'll give longer and more enthusiastic oral sex if you give her a verbal response. Even appreciative grunts are better than silence.

Make a Fantasy Lottery


Both you and your lady write five sexual fantasies down on five separate notebook cards. Then head to a restaurant where you can get a booth and some privacy in a public setting. Over dinner and wine, pull out the cards and make three piles—"yes," "maybe someday," and "not on your life." Put the possibles in a shoe box, and once a month pull out a winner.

Exercise Together


Work out together. Think of it as fat-burning foreplay. It will raise her dopamine levels, easing her anxieties. Bonus: Your post-run sweat has androstadienone, a testosterone derivative that spikes her arousal when she smells it.

Give Her the Perfect Compliment


The best compliments are the ones that involve multiple senses. "You have beautiful breasts" is nice. "You have beautiful breasts—they feel so soft and warm in my hands" is that much more intimate.

Don't Give in to Temptation


If a woman who knows you're spoken for comes on to you, it's flattering. It's tempting. But remember that she's doing it to feed her own ego, not yours. She wants to see how much power she holds over you. And if you take her bait, she then knows she must be superior in every way to your sweetie. Deep down, she has nothing but contempt for both your male weakness and your mate's existence. That should really piss you off.